kIt’s your boy Beans! Answering the BeanMail! BeanMail, answering the BeanMail. BeanMail! Holy Potatoes! 3,000 E-mails?! Wow, I must be cool. This first one is from Creeper Girl. Dear Beans, I have an important question that came up in the shower. What is the difference between regular ketchup and fancy ketchup? Your subscriber, Creeper Girl. Dear Creeper Girl, first of all I would suggest using only fancy ketchup at the shower. Your body deserves it. I don’t know what regular ketchup is ’cause I only shop at Whole Foods. Also, what the hell are you doing would ketchup in the shower?! Wait, are you making hot dogs ’cause that’s the whole reason that ketchup is real. Oh my goodness! You’re a genius! I’ve been making them on the STOVE for YEARS like an IDIOT! But in the shower, you can cook them by the dozens! And come out with a minty fresh bod. Every house needs a combo shower hot dog maker just a heads up don’t put relish in the shower. It clogs the drain. Hearts and farts, Beans. And you think I’ve been eating food out the toilet for years it definitely thought up the hot dog shower. Two more emails to go! BEANS! This is urgent! Be very careful! I just opened a box of crayons and saw that they had bottoms. Which made me realize crayons have butts! Huh? I’m supposed to bring crayons to school, but I don’t think nudity is allowed. Please help! Your subscriber, Riley Looter. Sure, I’ll help! dear Mr. P00ter Hehehe! Sorry to hear your crayons have butts. I don’t think that’s normal for a crayon. Most crayons end with a flat stump. I think you accidentally bought a box of Butts on a Stick. Don’t feel bad, it happens to all of us. I know butts and crayons are very confusing So I’ve attached a picture of my butt for comparison. You should have your teacher show it to the whole school I’d hate for more kids to buy butts on a stick. Hearts and farts, Beans. I’m the best! If you like me answering E-mails, make sure you click that like button. We’ll do one more E-mail today, and then I’m going back to playing video games. What games are you playing? Let me know downstairs. I finally finished Zelda, so I need some new games to play. Let me know. Okay, last E-mail! Dear Mr. Beans I wanted to tell you that you have an “X” girlfriend who is the mother of your child okay? Wow, you owe 1 million in child support? Sincerely, The Lawyer. Dear Mr. Ask-for-money, I’m happy to see you finally got a job! Most Nigerian Princes just sit around and do nothing! Thanks for telling me about my “X” girlfriend. All I had before was a regular girlfriend, and she wasn’t an “X”, man! What kind of superpowers does he have? I don’t have anybody but I’m happy to support 1 million children. I can give them all jobs at my new restaurant franchise. Wet Weeny Dogs! Or they could work at my new coffee shop /porta-potty. If they’re more a lost soul millennial. Either way, I’m happy to help. Hearts and Farts, Beans. Wow! That’s it for this week’s E-mails. If you want your question answered, send it here. ([email protected]) I make sure it’s a question, ’cause I got lots of E-mails that were like, hey, you’re cool. And that’s it! So uh… Hey, you’re cool! This guy’s anti-climactic, isn’t it?