You guys love your sports out here I’ve never seen
more focus put on sports anywhere else in the world Americans love there sports back to front you analyze them
you worship them you watch the game before the game
you watch the game after the game you talk about what might happen in the game
you talk about what’s happening in the game and then you talk about what happened in the game and what could have and what might
have but didn’t happen in the game it’s just the craziest thing i’ve seen in my life it’s all about statistics
have you seen sports in America? its non-stop guys come out there there’s no time for smiles or anything
just come up and ladies and gentlemen welcome to it
it’s the 2012 Miami Heat up against OKC this is the greatest final
we’ve been waiting for in the NBA finals LeBron James leading his team
out here averaging 30 points doubled every single game
10 points per game Just this season alone it’s all
this man is just something else 90 percent from the free throw line he just got in his consistent his gotten better his team coming in with more Chris Bosh coming in with more assist
really doing well in the last game just like whaaa!
whaaa! numbers, numbers, numbers
stats, stats, stats you guys know everything
every stat well I mean his got four out of five
and if you look at that statistic alone it looks like he should be getting four and it’s just crazy
you know everything and then you switch over to your
business channels and your economy and you’re like what’s happening
in the economy this year Bob? well nobody knows
I mean Nobody knows Yea Ha Ha Ha Ha Uh we thought the housing market was coming up
but it wasn’t Ha Ha Ha Ha but hey I mean
that’s the economy you never know right? you never know
What about stocks? Well stocks I guess they’re up and down I don’t really know they’re up and down
They can go anywhere Those are stocks
We don’t know but the sports you know you need to flip that around
get the statistics in the economy just relax on your sports
Have fun like the sports I watch are relaxed
like soccer I am a huge fan of soccer Yea Oh
there’s some fans here I love soccer
It’s chilled you hear it in the commentators
when the game is being played there’s no statistics at all the game starts off
the whistle blows (Whistle) and welcome ladies and gentlemen to this majestic match it’s Spain playing against Germany Oh and what a wonderful day it is look at the crowd really excited oh and the atmosphere is amazing
what wonderful weather Oh yea John you can feel it
and the players look great it’s wonderful what do you thinks going
to happen today Martin Oh nobody knows I can’t even remember the last
time I saw a game this good Americans will remember
Americans will go back to the finest statistic the last time a black man scored using his left
hand jumping over a mixed-race half Indian was in 1967 when the… Okay like what? this is madness It’s all about action in
the sports as well, you know as much action as possible,
it’s all about action in America it’s so action focused you will
take the ball from the other team if they do not give you enough action.
I have never seen that in my life that’s a horrible way to bring people
up. You just go to the other team and go “Hey you guys, you take the ball and you’ve got 24 seconds
to get the ball in that net 24 seconds! and if you don’t do it
we give the ball to the other team you hear me? We are going to
give the ball to thew other team yeah we know there’s a lot of black
guys but you try and get past them that’s up to you.
Go! 24 seconds later
(Horn blowing) You guys, you try.
You try. all about the action, you know because America’s different it’s different from the rest of the world and you don’t really know how
different America is though until you get here,
that’s the one thing I will say you think you know but then when you land in
America in your airports that’s when you know this place is this place is different because American airports, unlike
airports everywhere in the world which has a certain level of joy and just all round happiness American airports they are like like concentration camps , you know? it’s just people walking
barefoot in single file No, it’s no joke there’s even signs that say: “No jokes” and you are like, really? it’s just insane,
and you walk through those airports and you have to do things in American airports
you don’t do anywhere else in the world like you have to take your shoes
off, shoes come off and you don’t know this as a
foreigner, but they don’t care they are just like, “You,
take your shoes off!” I am like, my what? Your shoes, take them off!” Why? “For safety, Sir” I’m like, I am keeping them
on for your safety my friend You don’t do this anywhere,
I remember flying into Dubai one year and as we get into the airport this woman, an American woman
started taking of her shoes and those guys, you must understand when you are in the middle east
as a woman you are already a sin and now to be taking your
clothes off in public these guys lost their
minds, they where just like “Hey, what are you doing?!
What are you doing! “you, what are you doing?” She’s like, “I’m taking my clothes off” they are like, “no,
no, what are you doing? She’s like I am taking…
but why are you taking your clothes off? she’s like, “So the machine works” He’s like, ” No, this is
machine, not your husband you don’t need to get naked!” “Put your clothes on and
walk through you whore!” they where just,
you don’t do it anywhere else. but when you come out here you
have to take off your shoes and you have take off your jacket
to walk through the metal detector and they are mean about it,
they will shout at you like “You, take it off, take it off!” but you don’t know what to take off you don’t take it off anywhere else,
so you don’t know what to take off He’s like, “You take it off!”
Take what off? “Take it off, Sir!”
Take what off? “Take it off now!”
What? “Your clothes, take off!”
Take off my clothes? now you are standing there with this man
shouting at you to take your clothes off you feel like a child in a Catholic
Church, it’s just horrible! just standing there I mean, I understand
the need for security but they don’t need to shout at
you, at least if they try to be nice maybe if they chanted
instead of shouting you know instead of, “Take it off!”
If they where like “Take it off, Take it off,
take it off” You would be like,
“Yeah, whoo, security!” “Safe and sexy!” they don’t it’s the harrowing
experience as you come in. and the worst is if you have
to go through passport control as Americans you don’t feel the
pain, but as a foreigner it’s a whole different game you Americans walk through
to the U.S citizens line and they welcome you back like you where on some secret mission “Welcome home Sir” You know? When you’re a foreigner you have to wait In a super long line You know, and then they tease you the line goes right to the front then it comes back Comes back And you finally get there and you have to wait for them you know and he’s standing there and the guy is like “Sir, sir, come on, come on sir, step forward, for- step forward sir! step forward! forward! Back! Back! behind the line sir, back! get back sir, get back,”. You know its the stress you’re standing there and know you have to answer questions horrible, like you don’t understand it’s the stress you know standing there and you you don’t want to get any of the questions wrong because just like school they will send you back so you stand there and you have to answer them into a microphone that’s placed strategically low almost so that you have to bow to the American as you answer every question of his and they ask you these questions questions you feel like you know the answers too but when you’re there I mean I just handed the man my passport to which he replied “Is this you?” never before have I felt so much pressure to look like myself I was like “I was younger then” it’s horrible and then he starts rattling them off “It’s your first time in the United States Of America sir?” uh, yes “Your first time sir, is that correct?” uh, yes “Sir, what is the duration of your visit out here?” I’m going to be here for six months “Six months sir, is that correct?” yes “Sir what is the purpose of your visit in the United States Of America?” I’m here for holiday “Holiday sir?” yes “Which one?” my one “Could you elaborate sir?” holiday! “Yeah what do you mean holiday sir?” you know like holiday, like woooowoooooo yeaaaahh holiday holiday “You mean vacation sir?” ah! battery, yes of course

“Sports In America” – Trevor Noah – (African American) LONGER RE-RELEASE

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *