– ♪ O CANADA ♪ OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAND ♪ TRUE PATRIOT LOVE ♪ IN ALL THY SONS COMMAND – LOOKS LIKE THE ZAMBONI
MISSED SOME CARPET. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. THAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT
WEB REDEMPTION. AND APPARENTLY, YOU’RE NOT
THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT SO. LISTEN, I’M AWARE
AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS AND TALK SOUP HAVE
A LEGITIMATE GRIPE AGAINST ME. IT’S BAD ENOUGH MTV HAS
A PG GIRL VERSION OF THIS SHOW. BUT NOW SPORTS CHANNELS
ARE STEALING FROM ME? DID ESPN REALLY THINK
I WOULDN’T NOTICE WHEN THEY CAME UP
WITH AN EERILY FAMILIAR NEW SEGMENT CALLED
“AWESOME VIDEO SEGMENT”? – WE GOT A NEW DEVICE
COMING UP. IT’S CALLED–
THE INAUGURAL PIECE IS CALLED THE AWESOME VIDEO SEGMENT,
AND THIS ONE CENTERS ON THAT–THAT SKATING, TRIPPING-OVER-THE-RED-CARPET SINGER GUY WHOSE NAME– HE’S GOT A NAME–
IS MARK DONNELLY. – ♪ LAND – YOU’VE SEEN IT ON
SPORTSCENTER A MILLION TIMES, BUT IF YOU’RE LIKE ME, YOU STILL HAVE
A MILLION QUESTIONS. I WENT TO CANADA
AND ASKED MARK DONNELLY WHAT HE WAS THINKING. – I DON’T KNOW WHY
I DIDN’T NOTICE THE– WHEN I WENT AROUND BEFORE, AND THEN WITH
THE TWO SPOTLIGHTS ON ME, I COULDN’T SEE
WHAT WAS IN FRONT OF ME. – ALL RIGHT, LISTEN CLOSELY
AND TELL ME IF YOU’VE HEARD
THIS NEXT PHRASE BEFORE. – DO YOU THINK
YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? – THEY MUST HAVE MISSED
THAT ONE EPISODE WHERE I SAID THAT BEFORE. ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT
ANOTHER SHOT? ARE YOU READY
TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? YOU READY TO GIVE IT
ANOTHER SHOT? ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT
ANOTHER SHOT? ARE YOU READY
TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? – DO YOU THINK
YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? – SURE. ♪ O CANADA ♪ OUR HOME AND [triumphant music] ♪ O CANADA ♪ WE STAND ON GUARD ♪ FOR THEE [cheers and applause] – YOU [bleep] HACKS
ARE CHEAPENING MY BRAND. I’M FINE WITH KIDS IN HIGH SCHOOL OR COLLEGE
PLAGIARIZING, BUT ONCE YOU WORK
FOR A REAL NETWORK, YOU SHOULD HAVE
SOME GODDAMN SELF-RESPECT. THAT’S WHY I CREATED
A NEW SEGMENT CALLED SPORTSCIENCE.0. WHO DO YOU THINK CAME UP
WITH THAT– A NETWORK DEDICATED TO SPORTS OR BILL NYE’S SON,
THE SPORTS SCIENCE GUY? THEY’VE BEEN CALLING ME THAT
SINCE I WAS [bleep] 11. [dramatic music] ON ESPN’S FLAGSHIP SHOW
SPORTSCENTER, EACH HIGHLIGHT LASTS AN AVERAGE
OF 45 SECONDS AND CONTAINS AN ASTONISHING
217 UNFUNNY FORCED PUNS. AND THE […] FRAT BROTHERS
THEY CALL ANCHORS ARE WHIFFING ON AN IMPROBABLE
100% OF THE JOKES THEY TRY TO MAKE. THAT’S LIKE A GREASED UP
ADULT GRIZZLY BEAR TRYING TO MAKE LOVE
TO A FRESH SALMON. THAT’S LIKE– SPORTSCENTER BREAKS DOWN
LIKE THIS: 60% MANZIEL GOSSIP, 39% PRAISING LEBRON FOR BUYING A GIANT BRITA FILTER
TO CLEAN LAKE ERIE, 72% JERKING OFF THE S.E.C., AND 41% EXPLAINING AWAY WHATEVER CRIME AN NFL PLAYER
COMMITTED THAT HOUR. THERE’S 2% OTHER,
WHICH IS ROOM FOR WHOMEVER HAS TO FILL IN
FOR BILL SIMMONS EVERY TIME HE’S SUSPENDED FOR HAVING THE AUDACITY
TO DEFEND WOMEN. ESPN’S 72 PERSONALITIES
WHO HAVE NO PERSONALITY CAN SOMEHOW MANAGE
TO EXERT ENOUGH FORCE TO CLIMB ALL THE WAY
INTO THE NFL’S ASSHOLE. FORMER ATHLETES ACCOUNT FOR ALMOST 1/3
OF ESPN PERSONALITIES, AND WITH A GRAMMATICAL ERROR
EVERY FIFTH WORD, A NORMAL SEGMENT CONTAINS NEARLY 400 INSTANCES
OF FLAWED SYNTAX. SIMPLE MATHEMATICS TELLS US THAT IS A STATISTICAL ANOMALY. CHRIS BERMAN’S
WEEKLY 2-MINUTE DRILL RUNS AN AVERAGE
OF 5 MINUTES AND 11 SECONDS. THAT’S 5 MINUTES AND 11 SECONDS
MORE THAN ANYONE OUTSIDE OF BUFFALO WANTS TO HEAR CHRIS BERMAN
GARGLE ON ALL SEVEN OF HIS CHINS. AND THAT PAINFULLY UNAWARE
PUDGY OLD MAN MAKES $3 MILLION A YEAR. THAT’S MORE THAN ALL-PROS
ANDREW LUCK AND JULIO JONES. SCIENCE! FOR A MEASLY $5.64 BILLION, ESPN WON
THE BROADCASTING RIGHTS TO THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS FOR THE NEXT 12 YEARS. ZERO DOLLARS OF THAT WILL GO
TO THE ATHLETES. ESPN PROFITS
OFF KIDS PLAYING FOOTBALL, WHICH MEANS THEY SUPPORT KIDS
GETTING BRAIN DAMAGE, WHICH MEANS ESPN
WANTS CHILDREN TO DIE, OR TO PUT IT
IN SCIENTIFIC TERMS, ESPN LOVES KILLING KIDS. SCIENCE. FOR SPORTSCIENCE.0, I’M DANIEL TOSH. FOR THE RECORD,
THAT WAS NOT AIMED AT MIKE AND MIKE, SIMMONS, BEADLE, PTI, LE BATARD. YOU GUYS ARE COOL.

Tosh.0 – Sport Science.0
Tagged on:                                                                                                                                                             

100 thoughts on “Tosh.0 – Sport Science.0

  • May 19, 2017 at 1:59 am
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    Before ESPN pissed themselves about I slightly, and I mine slightly! Controversial phrase uttered by Colin cowherd they at least had his wonderful show but there dumbasses lost that

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  • May 20, 2017 at 2:51 pm
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    His fucking hand gestures killed me

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  • May 30, 2017 at 1:15 am
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    as someone who doesn't watch sports, this shit was like listening to quantum physics lol

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  • June 14, 2017 at 12:22 am
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    The four foot coffin stat😂

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  • June 26, 2017 at 12:37 am
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    0:37 He roasted Rob Dyrdek (didn't spell it right I know)

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  • July 5, 2017 at 6:00 am
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    is this iDubbbz Content Cop

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  • July 12, 2017 at 7:54 pm
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    Shoutout the Dan lebatard show on espn radio

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  • July 14, 2017 at 1:11 pm
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    Don't fuck with Tosh. Plain and simple.

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  • July 18, 2017 at 10:24 am
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    fuck sports center.

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  • July 28, 2017 at 3:31 pm
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    Damn he roasted them 😂🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥😂😂😂😂

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  • July 28, 2017 at 8:40 pm
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    daniel tosh for the next roast master? anyone?

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  • August 20, 2017 at 5:32 pm
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    this is the greatest shit ive ever seen

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  • August 26, 2017 at 8:21 am
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    "ESPN's 72 Personalities, who have no personality, can somehow manage to exert enough force to climb all the way into the NFL's asshole".

    "Five minutes and eleven seconds, that's five minutes and eleven seconds more than anyone, outside of Buffalo wants to hear Chris Berman gargle on all seven of his chins!"

    Holy shit, he is pissed!

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  • August 28, 2017 at 1:35 am
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    LeBatard!

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  • September 15, 2017 at 7:24 am
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    That was fucking brilliant

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  • September 23, 2017 at 1:03 am
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    shout out lebatard! woo

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  • September 25, 2017 at 2:00 am
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    That was freaking EPIC..AMERICA. THATS WHY

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  • September 30, 2017 at 2:49 am
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    now is clear why he doesn't do roast he would definitely destroy the person getting roasted

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  • October 6, 2017 at 1:51 am
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    Wow ESPN could get sewed

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  • October 8, 2017 at 6:38 pm
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    Daniel tosh is the funniest guy in the world

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  • October 12, 2017 at 6:05 am
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    Science!

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  • October 28, 2017 at 3:45 pm
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    No s*** are these numbers real

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  • November 3, 2017 at 7:07 pm
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    why the fuck did they put goalie gear on him the second time 😂

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  • November 16, 2017 at 3:39 pm
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    I miss this time

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  • December 2, 2017 at 2:16 am
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    live this video so much. fk SECpn. i dont watch that garbage

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  • December 9, 2017 at 11:07 am
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    Yo, come WATCH my retarded videos because you are just as stupid as me .

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  • December 9, 2017 at 11:07 am
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    If you like Daniel Tosh, you have my sense of humor and you will enjoy my videos as well. Wanna give it a shot?

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  • January 7, 2018 at 6:55 am
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    Those bastard stole tosh his line.

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  • January 7, 2018 at 9:26 pm
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    OWNED!**

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  • January 12, 2018 at 5:44 pm
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    Y O U F U C K I N G H A C K S

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  • January 17, 2018 at 4:38 am
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    That was gold Daniel. Gold!

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  • January 18, 2018 at 11:41 pm
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    Don't rip off tosh. He will put you on blast.

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  • February 2, 2018 at 4:12 am
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    Mike and Mike is actually a good radio show lmao

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  • February 5, 2018 at 10:48 pm
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    Thought I was watching content cop

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  • February 6, 2018 at 8:32 pm
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    Tosh is a twink

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  • February 12, 2018 at 5:42 am
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    Lol, "MTV has a PG- girl version of this show…" damn, Dydrek. Tosh just napalmed you.

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  • February 22, 2018 at 7:56 am
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    I wonder if Tosh or Comedy Central sued those people for stealing his web redemption line.

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  • March 1, 2018 at 2:13 pm
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    Nice one comedy central

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  • March 5, 2018 at 1:15 am
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    Damn, this was accurate and hilarious, he burned the heck out of ESPN 🤣🤣🤣

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  • March 6, 2018 at 4:42 pm
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    We love Chis Berman though

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  • March 7, 2018 at 10:37 pm
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    Those hand gestures were killing me, feel like nobody really got it but the presenter from ESPN who does sports science is always doing some shit with this hands

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  • March 17, 2018 at 5:14 pm
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    Bruh you mess with ESPN you mess with the Disney Goliath and they give no fucks

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  • March 20, 2018 at 1:47 am
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    Freaking hilarious

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  • April 16, 2018 at 5:48 pm
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    I just noticed his hands in that skit the 2nd time watching this

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  • April 20, 2018 at 7:00 am
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    Did they seriously get away with stealing your web-redemption routine?

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  • May 3, 2018 at 2:21 am
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    I remember when ESPN actually talked about sports instead of being left wing propaganda.

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  • May 21, 2018 at 10:49 pm
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    He so petty I love it lol

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  • May 30, 2018 at 10:00 pm
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    Heeeyyy! I have brain damage and it aint too bad till you forget who and where you are especially if thats driving through an intersection or having a seizure while driving through one

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  • June 29, 2018 at 6:15 am
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    How many assholes does ESPN have now? Wow🤣

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  • July 1, 2018 at 4:03 am
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    ESPN get REKT

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  • July 2, 2018 at 11:33 pm
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    235 dislikes are all ESPN employees, funny stuff.

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  • July 7, 2018 at 5:19 am
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    I agree. Michelle beadle, and mikes are the best. I wish brousard was at espn still but he is always on fox.

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  • August 5, 2018 at 4:36 pm
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    shawn calibuso loves joy

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  • August 7, 2018 at 12:03 am
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    Yep, NFL players %76 convicts. Millionaire, crying baby, Convicts who beat their woman to sleep.

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  • August 12, 2018 at 5:22 am
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    Tosh as Deadpool. Best hero ever!!!

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  • August 17, 2018 at 4:26 am
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    3:24 Could not be more spot-on.

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  • August 18, 2018 at 4:52 am
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    Poked the bear lol

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  • September 1, 2018 at 10:06 am
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    "Chris Bermans weekly 2:00 drill runs an average of 5:11 seconds" haha that's fucking great

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  • September 6, 2018 at 7:44 pm
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    wow, just seeing this and learned Burt Reynolds died, coincidence, I don't think so.

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  • September 17, 2018 at 7:08 am
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    fuck espn

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  • September 20, 2018 at 12:43 pm
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    He straight up slayed espn. Lol

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  • September 27, 2018 at 1:39 pm
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    Fuck football

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  • September 30, 2018 at 2:25 am
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    Fuck espn

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  • October 3, 2018 at 8:36 am
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    Awesome

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  • October 4, 2018 at 1:17 am
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    easy Tosh… you didnt coin the phrase…
    besides…
    didn't you make fun of stolen valor? whats the difference?

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  • October 5, 2018 at 6:21 pm
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    I fucking loved that! Fuck you tosh

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  • October 9, 2018 at 12:41 am
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    Lol…get em Daniel

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  • October 16, 2018 at 5:57 am
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    It has been months and I still haven’t found the outro song for Comedy Central

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  • October 26, 2018 at 2:49 pm
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    Lmfao. 😂😂😂 bill nine son

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  • October 27, 2018 at 4:09 pm
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    FUCK ESPN

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  • November 5, 2018 at 2:17 pm
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    Savage!

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  • November 12, 2018 at 6:31 am
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    Love this!

    Reply
  • November 23, 2018 at 1:48 pm
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    technically real science

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  • December 27, 2018 at 3:11 am
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    ESPN must be pro-choice.😁

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  • December 28, 2018 at 3:34 am
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    He laid waste to them lmao

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  • January 8, 2019 at 9:12 pm
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    GOAAT

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  • January 11, 2019 at 4:17 am
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    🤣😂….

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  • February 6, 2019 at 3:39 am
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    Loved it

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  • February 10, 2019 at 6:24 pm
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    Gorgeous video! 3million thumbs up!!!!

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  • February 13, 2019 at 12:40 am
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    you can tell he isn't joking he is super pissed off. Love it!

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  • February 15, 2019 at 12:23 pm
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    Do people still watch ESPN?

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  • February 15, 2019 at 11:50 pm
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    Lmao good job Daniel, kick there asses

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  • February 17, 2019 at 8:15 pm
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    How dare you copy a guy who exploits and mocks people for a living.

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  • February 24, 2019 at 5:00 pm
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    Please tell me you sued the fuck out of that gay ass ESPN channel

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  • March 1, 2019 at 4:17 am
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    Jerking off the sec is RIGHT!!

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  • March 5, 2019 at 9:48 pm
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    A question: what the hell was that carpet doing there?

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  • March 8, 2019 at 5:43 am
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    Imagine if ESPN sued him for showing there content on his own show

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  • April 7, 2019 at 6:02 pm
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    This was so good!!

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  • April 18, 2019 at 9:00 am
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    the hand positions were killing me LMAO

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  • April 21, 2019 at 4:11 am
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    Roasted espn

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  • June 4, 2019 at 2:01 am
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    if you pause the video at 4:37 you can clearly see this reptilians holographic pinkie glitching the fuk out. Those are not Human hands. The organic Hybrid robotoids grown underground are all missing pinkie fingers so they use holographic crystal projections to add them in. You can see the crystal on his shirt just below his left hand, it's a little blue rectangle.

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  • June 7, 2019 at 3:04 am
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    BAHAHAHAHAHA

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  • June 19, 2019 at 4:09 am
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    Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

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  • July 8, 2019 at 6:49 am
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    It's hilarious and true about the ESPN, and got dark at the end

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  • July 26, 2019 at 3:17 am
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    ESPN bad

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  • August 9, 2019 at 10:19 am
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    Tosh kinda reminds me of Stephen Colbert in his younger days and on his old comedy Central show…. I think he'd make a great late night show host one day…..

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  • August 24, 2019 at 3:58 pm
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    "His name is, uhhhh he's got a name." ESPN's finest

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  • September 5, 2019 at 7:40 pm
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    Daniel tosh is awesome👍

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  • September 15, 2019 at 2:28 am
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    1:30 4:10

    Reply

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